God 'N' Gabe: the Lives of Chuck and Gabriel
by Operative18
Summary: So, I'm a big fan of consulting-cannibal's tumblr comic series "God 'N' Gabe", and thought it would be fun to see how those two lived out their daily lives. So, please enjoy and if you like it, okay. If not, well then, screw you.
1. Quite a Handful

God looked down at the small infant that the universe had given him, and held it in his arms. It was small, pudgy, and had six tiny golden wings on it's back. It opened it's brown eyes and smiled at his father, holding his stubby arms out to reach the Lord and Creator.

"Hello, my son. You will be called Gabriel, the messenger to the people. You will bring them news of great joy and jubilation. And I will always- **OW OW OW OW OW!** " God cried out as the newborn grabbed onto his beard and tugged at a few hairs. The infant succeed in pulling off two, and God held him at arm's length, while his son merely smiled and giggled.

"… You're gonna be a handful, aren't you?" God sighed. Gabriel only burped in reply.


	2. Sibling Hijinks

"DAD! Dad dad dad dad dad!" A young angel with six pure silver wings came running up to God, and his father turned to face him.

"What is it, Michael?"

"Gabriel glued my wings together! I can't fly and they itch all over!" Michael clawed at his wings, trying to scratch them, and God just sighed in exhaustion.

"Look, I'll talk to your brother, okay? I'll make sure he's punished. Now, go talk to Raphael about getting your wings unstuck."

"Yes, sir." Michael pouted, and God walked off toward the edge of Heaven, where Heaven ceased to be, and the rest of existence spiraled out beneath them. There, he found Gabriel and Lucifer laughing together and rolling on the ground.

"Did you see his face? Priceless!" Lucifer laughed and suddenly, the two felt they weren't alone. They looked up to see their father hovering over them.

"… Okay, whose bright idea was it?"

"Mine!" Gabriel and Lucifer stated at the same time. God just looked tired at that moment.

"… Don't do it again." God walked off, and Michael and Lucifer faced each other again.

"Next time, we paint them pink!"

"Yes!"


	3. Meet the Family

"Okay, Gabriel stop fussing. You need to get your wings clean."

"I don't want 'em clean. Who cares if they're clean?" Gabriel ruffled his feathers, much to his father's annoyance.

"I told you, your aunt is coming over. And I want you to look your best for her. She and I are going through a rough patch, and I think you guys will help to give her a little perspective on my creation." God straightened out Gabriel's robe, and aligned his halo. Michael, Lucifer and Raphael stood beside Gabriel, and God turned around to face the doors of Heaven's Castle. He opened them, and a wave of darkness flew inside and the lights dimmed to make everything almost pitch black.

"Hello brother." A woman in a black dress appeared and walked toward God, with a sneer on her face. "Let's get this over with." The two walked back to the archangels, and God stood behind them.

"This is Michael, my first one."

"Hello, mam. Nice to see you." Michael bowed, and God seemed a bit confused by his courtesy.

"This is Lucifer, my second."

"Hiya, auntie!" Lucifer waved at her and God stiffened.

"Heh… And this is Gabriel, my third."

"Hey lady, what's crack-a-lackin?" Gabriel pointed at her, and god seemed petrified.

"Heh, he's - He's the little trouble-maker… And this is Raphael, my youngest." Raphael only nodded at his aunt, to his father's befuddlement. Amara simply stared at them for a few moments before walking into the living room behind them all.

"… I think that went well." God said to his sons, and he turned to go after his sister. The archangels simply stood watching him walk away.

"She's creepy." Gabriel muttered.

"She's unsettling." Raphael replied.

"She's un-natural." Michael spoke with disgust.

"She's HOT!" And at that, all three looked at Lucifer with absolute horror. "… WHAT?!"


	4. Crazy Creations

"Okay, let's make the peacock kinda brownish... And put this under its neck." God was creating new animals with the help of a new group of angels he created. "Let's call it... a turkey."

"DAAAAAAAD!" Gabriel came flapping in and accidentally fell on his face. "What'cha doing?"

"I'm creating some animals for Earth, Gabriel. What is it?"

"Can I help? Pleeeeease?" Gabriel gazed at his father with pleading eyes.

"... Fine. Here, take these." God handed him a box full of random parts of animals. "Have at it."

"Thanks Dad!" Gabriel ran off and God continued his work

(15 minutes later)

"Okay, four legs, smalls ears, a lot of poofy fur and they can bend and curl up in impossible places."

"And we call it?"

"A... Cat. Oh, and claws! On all four feet!" At this some angels got slightly concerned.

"DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD! Look look look look look!" Gabriel came bounding up with a creature in his hands. It was slender, brown, with a beaver tail, a duck bill, and webbed feet.

"... Well, it-uh... It's ... Interesting... What is it?"

"... A PLATYPUS!" Gabriel beamed with joy, and God seemed a bit frightened.

"Okay... Well, just go play with it..." Gabriel ran off, cheering and yelling in excitement.

(25 minutes later)

"Okay, how about a lizard... That can retract into a giant shell?"

"... I suppose we could-"

"DAAAAD! I made something else!" Gabriel came running up to him.

"Really? What about the Platypus thing? What happened to it?"

"It got away. Some place called Australia. Anyway, I made something WAY cooler. A bird."

"Really? That's great!"

"Yep, it's a master of hiding and has a great sound."

"Well that sounds awesome. Where is it?"

"Here." Gabriel pulled a small dirty-colored bird with huge yellow eyes out from his pocket.

"... Uhhhhh..." At that moment, the bird gave out a weird throating sound, like a mutilated horn.

"... Why do you do this to me?"

"I call it... Hmm... A potoo!"


	5. Monster Trouble

"Okay, just gotta- whoa, whoa, nope… come here… and… Done." God sighed in relief as he looked at the box covered in chains and ropes, still shaking and rumbling. "Man, those things are rough."

"Hey, dad, you in- What is that?" Gabriel glared at the box, which was just plain thumping up and down on the surface of God's workbench at this point.

"Uh… well, you remember all that black goo that sorta formed on Earth during creation? It started to eat away at most of the stuff on the surface, so I boxed it up. However, it looks like most of it took on a mind of it's own." at that, the box spun three times and then fell on its side.

"… Not really sure what to do with them. They call themselves Leviathans."

"… I'm sure you'll figure something out…" Gabriel poked the box, only to have it bang on the table again.

(15 minutes later)

"Hey dad, what happened to those Lev... levi… the thingies?"

"Oh, I created a version of the afterlife for monsters, and just stuck 'em in there. No WAY they're getting out and causing trouble now… Why?"

"'Cause I wanna get rid of these things." Gabriel held up a small animal with eight legs, three distinct body sections, and pincers.

"Oh yeah, the spiders… Just put 'em in Australia."


	6. Sealing Away the Darkness

"Amara, please! You don't have to do this!" God and the archangels were trying to secure Amara, their celestial kin. She was trying to consume all of creation, seeing no point in its existence. She wanted only the void and emptiness of nothing.

"I don't understand you, brother. Why did you need them, your creations? You had me." Michael and Lucifer flew towards her to try to contain her, only to be met with a blast of darkness that froze them in their tracks.

"There's more than just us! That's what I'm trying to show you! Just please, stop!" God pleaded to her, to no avail.

"… Existence is meaningless… Your creations are chaos… I am tranquility." Amara stared down her brother, who looked at her with teary eyes.

"… I'm sorry." And with that, God held out his palm, and a mark was formed on Amara's skin. She cried out in pain, and the darkness surrounding the celestials started to creep back inside Amara.

"BROTHER!" Amara's power was being forced back into her, and Gabriel came forward.

"Father, let me do it! I can hold her! I accept the burden!" God struggled to keep Amara contained and shook his head.

"No. You're not strong enough!... LUCIFER!" At that, Lucifer flew over and stood beside his father. "I need you to bear the Mark. You're the only one used to this much raw power! Please!"

"… I accept." Lucifer held out his arm, and God grabbed it, searing a matching mark to Amara's into his being.

"BROTHER! PLEASE!" Amara screamed out as she was turned to black smoke, which flew right towards Lucifer. The mark acted as a lightning rod, and the smoke seemed to be absorbed through the mark itself. Once it had been done, Lucifer doubled over in pain.

"Lucifer, are you…" Gabriel knelt to help his brother, when Lucifer started to get up.

"… I'm fine… I'm fine." Lucifer glanced at the mark on his arm, and then to his father. "… I accept this burden, father. From now until the end of days." He then walked off, leaving the others behind him. Gabriel turned to God.

"Father-"

"Don't… I'm fine… I'm fine." God stated bluntly as he returned to his work in Heaven. Michael and Raphael flew off, and Gabriel simply stood where Amara had been moments before. Some silly place on Earth called the Garden of Eden.


	7. They did the Thing

"Dad?" Gabriel stood next to his father, who was looking down at a garden on Earth. "… What's up?"

"Shh… They're just getting to know each other." God gazed fondly at Earth, and Gabriel saw two people who looked like God himself, only without immortality or celestial power.

"… What're those?"

"I call them 'humans'… Cute, aren't they? Hey, watch this." God shone a bright light on the garden, and the two people looked towards it.

"Uh, Dad?"

"Shh. Watch… _**Humans, you are my greatest creations, and I give you dominion over the Earth. You shall be above all the beasts of the Earth and birds of the sky and the creatures of the seas. You may eat from any tree in the garden, except the tree of the knowledge of good and Evil. I leave you to yourselves.**_ " he turned off the light, and walked away giggling. "This is gonna be so fun. I have something I can finally play with!"

"… You need help, dad."

 _(2 days later)_

God was sitting on the throne of Heaven, scowling and slumped over. Gabriel shuffled awkwardly behind him.

"… You tried your best."

"… I told them NOT to do the thing. And what do they do? _**THE THING!**_ " God slumped further into his throne, and scowled even bigger.

"… Come on, let's go blow up a few stars. That'll cheer you up."

"Nah… Hmm… Although I would like to create another black hole." and with that, they both ran off.


	8. The Rebellion of Lucifer

"… Dad?... You okay?" Gabriel peeked into God's room, concerned about him. It had been two weeks since he shut himself inside.

"Go away, Gabriel." God bluntly replied. Gabriel just shuffled his feet.

"Well, I was just checking on you. I mean, nobody's seen you-"

" _ **GO AWAY!**_ " God threw a chair at the door, and Gabriel ran off. God laid flat on the bed, and stared at the ceiling. "… Why did you do it… Why, Lucifer?"

 _(2 weeks ago)_

"Why do they deserve to be above us? They are broken! Flawed! EVIL!" Lucifer was locked in combat with Michael, and all of Heaven was in turmoil. Angels were fighting one another, and God was sealed inside the throne room, waiting for the end result.

"Humanity is father's creation, and he wishes for them to be protected and looked after. His will-"

" _'His will is law'_ , yeah yeah. But he's wrong this time! They're nothing compared to us, and he wants us to be servants to them?! NEVER!" Lucifer knocked Michael to the ground, and held his blade to the older angel's throat. "I'm sorry brother…" He got ready to strike before he was stabbed in the shoulder from behind.

"Enough, traitor." Lucifer turned his head to see Michael, and looked down at the angel on the ground.

"Sorry, bro." the fallen Michael then shifted into Gabriel, and he held his sword at Lucifer's chest. At that moment, God emerged from the throne room, and walked over to the trio. Michael and Gabriel stood away from Lucifer, and the other rebellious angels started to lay down their arms.

"Lucifer… I'm sorry, but you have caused too much pain and loss for the garrisons of Heaven. You have rebelled against the throne, and caused the deaths of many of our kind… As punishment, I sentence you to exile in the depths of Hell, imprisoned for the rest of your days." With that, he raised his hand, and Lucifer disappeared in a blast of black smoke. God turned to the other angels. "And all of those who followed him, I sentence you to Hell, to become the tormentors of human souls who have sinned. You will become the damned race of Demons."

The angels who stood with Lucifer then faded away and the rest of Heaven turned toward God to see what he would ask of them. Instead, God only walked into his chambers, and locked himself inside.

"… He just needs time." Michael turned away, and the rest of Heaven started with rebuilding what the war had broken. Gabriel however, simply watched the door his father had walked into a few moments ago, worried about his father's broken spirit.


	9. Make It Rain

"Okay, no. Stop it! You, no, put that down! Hey, hey! No stabbing! UGH!" God threw his hands in the air and slumped over. People on Earth were becoming more hateful and evil with each passing day.

"Hey Dad, what's up?"

"I'm at the end of my rope! They just- they're too far gone!" God sighed in utter defeat.

"… What about those guys?" Gabriel pointed to a simply family, and God saw they were still pure among men, still following the light of good.

"Okay, silver lining… BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD?! IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN JUST WIPE OUT ALL THE BAD ONES… Oh wait, yeah I can." God raised his hand, and was about to smite all the evil…

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! You can't just wipe them all out! Think of what'll happen to the surface, the animals, and all that. All your hard work in creating the Earth, PFFT! GONE! You need to think… subtle."

"Okay… what do you suggest?" God put his arms at his sides, and Gabriel looked back at Earth.

"Okay… That guy, the leader of the family. We get him to take one female and male of every animal with him while they survive." Gabriel looked proud of himself.

"And how do we ensure they survive? Also, how do we get rid of the rest?"

"… Water! We flood the whole thing! And that guy has a big-ass boat. We have him put his family and the animals in there, and boom! They survive, the rest are wiped out, and nothing does permanent damage to the Earth. Huh?" Gabriel smiled widely, and God pondered this for a moment.

"… Alright…" He made a bright light appear in the sky above the man and his family. " _ **Noah, I am tasking you with a great burden. Humanity has become foul, evil, corrupted. You must construct an… Ark to save not only your family, but two of each animal that walks and crawls on the Earth, and every that flies in the air. For I will bring about a mighty flood, and wipe the world clean. I give you the plans for the vessel. I will bring upon my wrath on the rest of humanity, when you have finished your task.**_ " God then turned off the light and looked at Gabriel. "… Good?"

"Perfect."

 _(Later)_

"How's he doing on the boat?" Gabriel asked, swinging his sword around for no reason.

"Good, good. He just finished the frame for it."

"Wow. He's doing pretty good, considering."

"Yeah, yeah he is."

 _(Much later)_

"Well? How's progress?"

"He's got all but the top finsihed, and then he has to coat it to make it air tight."

"He's getting slower."

"He's getting OLDER."

 _(Much, much later)_

God stood above earth with a hose, waiting for Noah to finish loading the ark. The last of the animals were going in, and his family was coming along.

"Hey dad, what's- OH, OH, IS IT TIME?!"

"Almost." God turned the nozzle on the hose to "Shower", and waited and watched. As the doors of the ark closed, he squeezed the trigger… and nothing happened.

"… Did you turn it on?" Gabriel asked, and God simply walked away for a few moments, and then walked back.

"Okay, NOW!" He turned on the hose, and the water made it's way to Earth in the form of rain. However, the rain wasn't falling very hard. "Hey, turn up the pressure, will you Gabriel?" God pointed to where the hose led, and Gabriel walked off to turn up the pressure on it. The rain fell hard, but it was taking a while to add up to anything.

"Hmm… Looks like I'll be here a while."

 _(Later)_

"… There go the trees…"

 _(Much later)_

"… There go the buildings…"

 _(Much, much later)_

"Aaaaaannnnndd… DONE! All the bad ones are gone, nothing they can hold on to. Now… How do I get rid of the water?" God pondered this for a moment then walked off. He came back with a water spigot and several jugs. He put the spigot on the surface and turned it on. The water flowed from the Earth to the first jug, which took a while to fill up. "I got a feeling THIS is gonna take even longer."

 _(40 days and 80 jugs later)_

" _ **FINALLY! IT'S OVER! I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! WAY TOO MUCH WORK!**_ " And he looked down, and saw Noah and his family departing the ark and gazing in wonder at a trail of colors in the sky. "… Yeah, Noah. That's your proof! That is a… symbol that there will not be another flood. Nope! No flood number two! Okay, I'm outta here!"


	10. Babbling Idiots

"Hey dad, up for smashing a few asteroids?" Gabriel looked in on his father, who was busy watching over the humans on Earth.

"In a minute. SERIOUSLY, KNOCK IT OFF. YOU'RE GONNA FALL AND HURT YOURSELVES, AND I AIN'T CLEANING IT UP!" God shouted at the humans, who were apparently building a giant tower. Their goal was to try to reach Heaven, but that was pointless anyway. Heaven was unreachable from Earth, but damn, the humans were determined.

"Hang on. I got this." Gabriel got about two feet away from the tower, and raised his leg up to kick it down.

" _ **WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!**_ Gabriel! We do not want to smash them. They're not evil like the ones before the flood, they're just…. Stupid."

"Well, they are coordinated. 'Do this, go here, put that block there'. Hey, check it out. Watch, watch, watch." Gabriel tapped one of the humans, and the man started speaking a different tongue than the rest of them. He was confused as to what to do, and looked at the others questionably.

"… Okay… That'll work." God and Gabriel began tapping more and more people, until all of them were talking in a different language than another. The tower crews fell into confusion and chaos, and abandoned their work to seek solitude to try and figure out what just happened.

"Okay, now THAT, that was fun." God and Gabe left laughing, and after a while, Gabriel ran back and kicked over the tower, shattering it on the ground.


	11. Call Me Chuck

_**Author's Note: By the way, guys, sorry for the long time I took. I was sick, and then I was struggling with depression for the last two days, and that made me really unmotivated to do anything. Also, the people who Private Messaged me about this, asking me to add in this and that and the people who go "that's not canon", hey f- off! The ONLY way I can write is with positive feedback, not people knit-picking. This is MY story, doing it MY way. Don't like it, don't read it. And I might add in some things you all suggested, but wait 'til I'm f-ing done to comment on it! And to everyone who favorited, followed and left positive reviews, thank you so much for your support, guys. It means a lot, love you guys! Enjoy the new chapter!**_

God was staring down at Earth, looking at a young woman who was walking along in the town. He felt a strange sort of feeling, like he wanted to be near her, but he was nervous to be around her. He would watch as she met with people she knew, and he felt like he wanted a connection with her.

"Dad?" Gabriel looked in, and God, having not heard him, continued to watch the woman in all her grace and beauty. Gabriel came over and looked down to where God was staring.

" _Ooooooooohhhh! Daddy's in love!_ " Gabriel jokingly sang, and God straightened out, eyes wide.

"WHAT?! NO! I'm not- I'm just… she… Yeah." he slumped over in defeat and humiliation.

"Soooooo, go talk to her! She might like you."

"ARE YOU CRAZY?! SHE'S A FRAIL, DELICATE HUMAN BEING, AND I'M …. I'M… ME! What can I say to her? 'Hi, I'm the creator, the lord, and your older by a few billion years'?!"

"Sure. Why not?!" Gabriel smirked, and God just got red in the face.

" _YOU ARE MISSING THE POINT HERE!_ "

"Look, let's just make a few changes to you." Gabriel plopped his father on a stool, and got out a razor, cutting away his beard, and trimming down his hair a little on the sides. "Okay, now you look younger, let's make you a little shorter." He then focused on his father, and God shrunk until he was the size of a young man.

"GABRIEL, ENOUGH ALREADY. I AM NOT-" God began, and then he saw the girl talking to a well-built muscular man and laughing. "… Let's do this!"

"That's my boy! GO GET 'EM!" Gabriel patted him on the back, and God started on his way to Earth, then stopped dead in his tracks.

"I can't, I can't, I can't! What am I supposed to say, talk about, how do I even introduce myself?!" At this, Gabriel grabbed his father, turned him around, and shoved him towards Earth.

"I don't care. Call yourself Jacob, Eli- Hell, call yourself 'Chuck' for all I care! JUST GO TALK TO HER!"

"Gabriel, no, no. I'm not- _You can' t make me!_ ** _I AM THE LORD, AND I COMMAND YOU TO_** -" then Gabriel tossed him at the surface, and God landed flat on his face, muttering in pain.

"Are you okay?" God looked up to see the woman looking at him, and quickly got up, dusting himself off.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay. Just, ugh, tripped. Stupid rocks."

"Well, you should probably get some food and rest. My home isn't far, and you're welcome to dinner if you want." she took him by his arm, and they walked off. "What's your name, stranger?"

"… Oh, um… I'm… Chuck… Just call me Chuck."

"Very well, Chuck. I'm Maryam. It's nice to meet you."


	12. The Not-So-Virgin Mary

God was walking to his room in Heaven's castle, as the sun was rising over Earth. He had messed up hair and seemed to ache all over. He walked quickly so nobody would notice him, especially not

"HEYYA!" God froze in his tracks, and stood up straight.

"Gabriel... How are you?" He muttered to his son, and Gabriel came over and patted him on the back.

"Nice job. Got to third base in less than four hours. Good for you." Gabriel mocked his father, who looked severely depressed at this.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, it just... did." He continued walking, with his hands shoved into his robe's pockets.

"Hey, look, you met her, you hit it off, and you got very intimate. I'd say this is a win."

"Still, I can't help feeling a bit worried."

"Worried? About what?! What's the worst that could happen?"

 _(10 days later)_

Gabriel walked in to check on his father, who at the moment was curled up on his bed, muttering and wide-eyed.

"Dad? … You okay?"

"She... she..." He muttered, shaking softly.

"Oh, bummer. She let you go. 'It's not you, it's me'. That sucks." Gabriel patted his father on the back, only to see God shake his head 'no'. "… Okay... fear, panic, unable to talk... Was she actually a man?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Well then, what?" He was only met with silence. Gabriel grabbed his father, and shook him violently. "FOR YOUR SAKE, TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!" He dropped his grip, and God stood up and grabbed Gabriel's robe at the collar.

" _ **SHE'S PREGNANT!**_ " At this, Gabriel went wide-eyed and froze in place.

"… Are you sure?"

"… HOW CAN I NOT BE SURE?! I KNOW EVERYTHING!" God released Gabriel and started pacing the room. "Okay, okay, okay. Let's figure this out. When she has the baby, and if it has power later on in its life, she can NOT freak out. We need to... persuade her that she's carrying a piece of divinity..." God stopped pacing and looked at Gabriel.

"… What?"

"You! You can convince her that I was God! She'll have to believe an angel! You show up, say she's carrying the child of God, and boom! Problem solved." God stood with his arms crossed, feeling proud of himself.

"… Okay... But why can't you just tell her you're God? Just do a light show, or something?"

"… Because I... I'm..." God looked away, getting red in the face.

"… You're too shy to do it, aren't you?" Gabriel jokingly asked, receiving only a nod from his father. "Fine. I'll do it."

 _(later)_

"You sure this is the house?"

"Yes, I'm sure. It was the one with the weird branch sticking out the top. Now go, go!" God pushed Gabriel towards the door, and listened by the doorway.

"Okay, here we go..." Gabriel teleported inside and God saw a bright light from the window. "Maryam, I am the messenger-"

"Um, I'm not Maryam." God froze at hearing the female voice inside, because it definitely WASN'T Maryam. "Maryam lives a door to the left." God looked and saw the actual house, and facepalmed himself in humiliation.

"… Excuse me, ma'am." God heard Gabriel, and the door burst open and Gabriel stepped out, still glowing like a star. "I ASKED YOU _'YOU SURE THIS IS THE HOUSE?'_! AND YOU SAID _'YES, IT WAS THE ONE WITH THE WEIRD STICK ON THE TOP'_!"

"I THOUGHT IT WAS **THIS** STICK, NOT **THAT** STICK! AND DO YOU REALLY THINK NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO DO DOING THIS? LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH!" God pouted, and Gabriel sulked off next door. God snapped his fingers, and the woman forgot the entire encounter. They arrived at the house, and God waited outside the door.

"Okay, here we really go." Gabriel teleported inside and the light reappeared. God waited, listening intently to what was happening. "YO GIRL, YOU PREGGERS!"

"… **GABRIEL**!" God burst inside and walked straight up to his son. "WHAT THE HELL?! ' _YO GIRL, YOU PREGGERS?!_ ' I GAVE YOU **ONE** JOB!"

"THEN WHY DON'T **YOU** TAKE CARE OF IT?"

"What's going- wait, Chuck? Why are you-" Maryam started, only to be interrupted.

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHY! SHE'LL BELIEVE YOU MORE THAN ME!"

"OH, SO YOU CAN KNOCK A GIRL UP, BUT NOT TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE KID?!"

"THAT IS **NOT** WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE, AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"What is going-" Maryam demanded, only to have Gabriel put his finger to her lips.

"Shh. The grown-ups are talking." Gabriel made her fall asleep, and turned back to God. "LOOK JUST TELL HER! SHE'S NOT GONNA DENY YOU'RE GOD!"

"I DON'T NEED TO TALK TO HER. YOU DO. SO **GET. IT. RIGHT!** "

"FINE!" Gabriel snapped at his father, who went behind the door and shut it again. Gabriel woke up Maryam and turned his light back on. " ** _Maryam, you have been chosen to house the seed of the Lord, and you will bear a child who will be of great power. Be not afraid, this is the will of the Lord on high, and you have been blessed upon this day._** "

"… I am the Lord's servant. I will carry out his will." God sighed in relief when he heard that, and then the light disappeared and Gabriel teleported outside. God froze time so they could talk in private.

 **"WELL?!"**

 **"BETTER!"**

 **"THANK YOU!"**

 **"YOU'RE WELCOME."**

 **"LET'S GO HOME!"**

 **"FINE!"** They both stormed off, aggravated with each other, and more than a little pissed off.


	13. The Life and Death of God's Son

Gabriel stood outside God's chambers, wondering if he should go in or not. It had only been two hours, but still, he was nervous.

"...Dad? … You wanna talk?"

"Go away, Gabriel." At hearing that, Gabriel paused, and then walked off. Inside the chamber, God was sitting on the floor, holding a piece of linen cloth in his hands. He had lost his son.

( _33+ Earth years ago_ )

"No, no, no, no, NO! Absolutely not! Push those two out of the top room, make space in the hall! Something other than THAT!"

"Dad-"

"It's undignified, unbelievable, unsanitary!" God groaned in exhaustion, and put his face in his hands.

"Dad, that's where they're going, okay? Chill out. It doesn't matter where it happens, alright?"

"MY KID is NOT going to be born in a dumbass **BARN**!"

( _a few years later_ )

"I swear, if they die in the desert before the get back, I'm gonna evaporate the husband."

"Dad, this is the third time you've threatened the step-father in the past hour. CHILL. OUT."

( _a few years later_ )

"REALLY? REALLY? A CARPENTER? **A CARPENTER?** You could've been a teacher, or a priest, but noooooo, you wanna work with WOOD!"

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DAD! HE'S ONLY 20 YEARS OLD! LET HIM MAKE POOR LIFE CHOICES! HE'S HUMAN, YOUDAMNIT!" Gabriel snapped at his father.

"I DID NOT BRING HIM INTO BEING AND GIVE HIM POWER SO HE COULD MAKE **DOORS**!"

( _a few years later_ )

"Okay, that one, those two, them in the boat... eh, maybe the tax collector... I don't know about that one."

"What's going on?" Gabriel looked over his father's shoulder.

"He's getting followers. This is it, Gabriel. He's gonna spread the message of Heaven throughout the lands. And those twelve are gonna help him."

"Eh. That last guy looks kinda shifty."

"Yeah, I think so too."

( _later_ )

"Yes, yes, yes. Make that blind person see, heal the sick lady, make the crippled kid walk again. Man, he's on fire!"

"Don't you think he should tone down the miracles a bit? It could attract the wrong attention."

"Oh, please, what's the worst that can happen?"

( _later_ )

"… Don't say it." God mumbled as he sulked.

"Well... he got arrested... _Imagine that_!"

"Don't say it."

"Now, I don't wanna say 'I told you so'-"

" **THEN _DON'T_**!"

( _later_ )

" _ **Don't! DON'T YOU DARE! GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM, YOU FILTHY HUMANS! YOU WILL KNOW MY WRATH IF YOU-**_ " God was being held back by Gabriel to prevent his father from destroying the city, or worse.

"DAD! STOP! STOP! He'll come to Heaven anyway. He did what he needed to. You'll see him again... Please, just... calm down." As Gabriel spoke, God's human son, Jesus was breathing raggedly while nailed to a cross. God watched as his son was in pain and near death.

"… Forgive them... father... for they know... not what they do..." He heard his son praying to him, and could literally feel the man's life slipping away. "… It is... finished." At that, God heard his son's final breath and heartbeat.

" **… AHHHHHHHHHHHH!** " God yelled, unleashing a wave of power upon the Earth. The ground shook, seas created massive waves, and buildings fell to the ground. After he finished, God slumped to the ground, weak and tired.

"… Uh dad?... We have a visitor..." Gabriel tapped on his father's shoulder, and God turned around to see a tall, slender, skeletal man with pale skin behind them.

"I told you this would happen. The child was mortal, and therefore could die. My condolences." The man bowed slightly and God stood to face him, shaking slightly.

"… You'll keep our deal? Like we agreed?"

"Indeed. Three days and then he'll be sent up to Heaven. You'll have your son, and the humans will have their Messiah. And in return, you never have another spawn like that. He messed with the natural order, and made a mockery of me. No more miracle workers." At that, Death turned around and walked out.

"… Okay... Three days... That's do-able... Come on, let's go smite a few demons. That always cheers you up."

( _three days later, 2 hours earlier_ )

"He's coming home, he's coming home, he's-" God was running through Heaven's corridors to meet his son, when he ran into Michael. "Oh, hey Michael. Nice to see you. Anyway, I gotta-" God tried to get past, but Michael blocked his path.

"I'm sorry father. It has to be done." Michael stared down his father, and God seemed confused and slightly scared. "The law of Heaven is clear. No spawn of Heaven and Earth can be allowed to exist. Even your spawn."

"… My ' _spawn_ '?! He has a name!"

"I know. But I don't care."

"Michael, you may be my son, but the rest of Heaven will not-"

"The rest of Heaven agreed." Michael replied, and God was taken back. "They will wipe him out. And I was to keep you from interfering." At that, Michael pulled out his sword, and God stood away from him.

"… Michael, I am warning you... **Let. Me. Thro-** " God was cut off as Michael swung his sword, missing by about two inches.

"I am a soldier of Heaven, and it pains me to have to do this to you. But the law of Heaven is-" Michael fell forward, and Gabriel appeared behind him, holding his angel blade.

"… I got him... Go save your son." Gabriel panted, and God ran off. He ran as fast as he could, and he turned the corner to see every angel in Heaven surrounding a man in linen clothing. There was a second before they unleashed their power and the man was disintegrated. God cried out, and the angels turned toward him. God unleashed a wave of power, and they were pushed away from him. God knelt at the pile of ash, and picked up a piece of burnt linen out of the ash. He slowly got up, and walked back to his chambers.

( _Now_ )

God still held the fabric in his hands, and then he looked towards the sky.

"Screw it." God got up, and grabbed a bunch of his things and shoved them into a bag, slinging it over his shoulder. He walked out his door and slammed into Gabriel.

"… Dad? … What're you-"

"I'm leaving... Goodbye." God pushed past Gabriel, who walked after him.

"… Wait, wait, wait! You can't just abandon the throne, think of what'll happen if you go away! The power struggle-"

" _ **I DON'T CARE, GABRIEL! I JUST... DON'T CARE... ALL OF HEAVEN BETRAYED ME, DISOBEYED ME!**_ "

"… Not _ALL_ of Heaven... I'm coming with you." Gabriel snapped his fingers, and a sack full of Gabriel's stuff was slung over his shoulder. "If you wanna get away, fine. But I'm gonna make sure that you don't do anything reckless or stupid. You want a vacation? Fine, I'm down. But if you even think about ending it, about giving up forever, I WILL stop you." Gabriel planted his feet and waited for his father's response.

"… Okay... Let's get going." God reached his hand, and Gabriel shook it. At that moment, they both teleported to Rome. They both looked around, and they walked through the city.

"So... God and Gabe, two of the most powerful beings in Heaven... taking a vay-cay."

"Yep... You wanna get fish for dinner?"

"Nah... I'm in the mood for pork."


End file.
